The First Signs of Change
Perhaps you recognize it.
Maybe you've heard of it or even felt it yourself:
A point in your life where everything begins to shift.
In Human Design, it’s called the ‘midlife point.’ It usually happens somewhere between your forties and fifties. We often don’t fully understand it, so we label it as a midlife crisis.
We may look at it with a bit of pity: ‘Oh, he must be going through a midlife crisis.’
And then we laugh it off, or something like that.
But it’s not just anything. It’s the call of your soul.
The loving call of your soul that it’s time to take a good look, to go inward, to heal, to change course, and to do what you came here to do. To do what you had agreed to do with your Soul, with yourself, in this life.

The Fear of Change
And there it is. Because changing course? No way. Far too scary. For our survival self.
Yes, that’s exactly it. Super scary.
And then our survival self starts playing tricks.
It downplays things, like: It’s not that bad. You’re not really feeling this. Things are fine the way they are. Or it starts using other coping strategies. Suppressing. Numbing. Working even harder. Seeking more security. Looking for more distractions in the outside world. Or staying in a stable sideways position: Fingers in your ears. Lalalala... Nothing to see here. Just keep walking and don’t look. Everything is okay. While deep, deep down, you know it’s not okay.
That something is calling.
That something wants to be seen.
That something is really important.
And oh, how scary that can be. Because if this isn’t certain anymore, what is?

I held on for a long time. With my anxious attachment style, hard work had become my survival strategy. If I worked hard enough, I was safe. Not that I was aware of it at the time.

Everything in my external world started inviting me to go inward. To start looking at what wanted to be seen. To come out of my freeze and survival mode. To rediscover my connection with myself.

But oh, how scared I was. And oh, what it took.

The Inner Turmoil
So there you go. I could feel things starting to move.
And I had no idea what was happening.
Looking back now, I can say that a massive tension built up within me in a relatively short time. Just before I turned 40, everything inside me became restless.
And I couldn’t ignore it.
No more stable sideways position for me.
The call within me was so strong that I simply couldn’t avoid looking anymore.
But oh, how much fear came up. My survival self went into full gear. Everything to keep me safe in the old, familiar place. Not that the place was comfortable, but at least it was known.
And therefore, safe according to my survival self.
And from a deep inner trembling, my external world began to tremble as well. In relationships, I no longer recognized myself or the other. Work, and the apparent security tied to it, began to drift away from me rapidly. And fear overwhelmed me.
Fear of scarcity, of loss.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of losing control.
Fear of the future.
Fear of fear itself.

The Moment of Awakening
And right then… … then I found the breadcrumbs that my Soul had scattered itself.
The breadcrumbs to find my way back. To my Self.
The breadcrumbs to become whole.
And the breadcrumbs to find Home.
A completely new connection opened up, and I discovered so much more of myself.
Exactly the information, the nourishment I needed, came into my path. A
nd I decided to go all in. Because I felt with every fiber of my being that this was what I was meant to do. My body was very clear: my heart opened so incredibly wide. And while my mind couldn’t make sense of it and kept coming up with arguments to avoid this, I had no choice.
Something much larger than my ‘human mind’ was at work here.
This was what I had been searching for.
This was my own sacred process of discovering myself.
I found the connection with the Source, with completely new frequencies I had never experienced before.
Many new layers of reality opened up, and I felt something I didn’t yet fully understand: a lid was lifted. A lid off this matrix. Off the jar that humanity is in, and I can connect with something much bigger, more expansive, and more powerful than I ever imagined.

The Journey to Wholeness
In the six years that followed, I became a sponge. Now that I had discovered this, I wanted to welcome it, embrace it, empower it, deepen it, embody it. And that took some work because I had a lot of frozen energy in my system. I had to reset myself. Not only to learn a completely new perspective but to fully own it as well. Yes, to embody it. In every cell.

Embodying My True Essence
And it wasn’t work. There was no effort involved. It was a deep desire from within. I simply couldn’t do otherwise. And everything I needed, the information, the people, the resources, the time, all flowed into my experience. And yes. It had an impact. A big impact. Because it changed me profoundly. So naturally, my surroundings changed as well. No matter how difficult or incomprehensible it may seem from the outside; it’s the call of my soul, and I simply cannot ignore it. It’s my call to become – to be – who I truly am. To remember who I truly am. And from there – from that place outside the matrix – to fully live my human experience here. Yes. Loud and clear; this was my midlife point.

My midlife point was the moment I began to remember my true essence. It was the beginning of a journey to wholeness, to embodying my own divine essence in every cell of my body. It was my journey of embracing all the parts within me; my trauma part, my survival part, and giving my healthy part the full space to thrive. It was my journey to find my way Home, to where I truly come from. To remember who I truly am and what my connection is with ‘All-That-Is,’ my Divine Parent. To remember what I came here to ‘do,’ which is to be myself. Beyond all the structures, systems, societal do’s and don’ts. Beyond everything that seems so real but only serves to help us find our way Home.

An Invitation for Your Journey
And if this resonates with you, if you feel your Soul whispering, or calling, or if you just want to discover how to listen to your Higher Consciousness, how to move beyond your fears, how to come out of the ‘stable sideways position,’ and how to remember who you truly are, I am documenting my journey in a way that allows you to embark on your own journey, in a way that suits you.

And you are so welcome to walk this path together.
In becoming whole again:
we are in this together.


With love,
Eve