Choices Between Fear and Love
Life constantly gives you opportunities to do things differently.
And thank goodness for that.

For me, it’s the increasingly conscious choice in every moment:
Do I base my life on fear or on love?

It can no longer be a bit of both.
I feel it in every cell of my body:
There are many changes happening on Earth, among humanity,
in the energy, in the consciousness.
More and more, the timelines are diverging.
It’s either fear or Love.
I am also increasingly realizing that it’s not so much about what you do,
or what you don’t do,
but about the consciousness and the intention with which you do it.
Do I do things out of fear and my old patterns? Or do I transform them into a new consciousness, so that I can do things out of love?
Ah, the choice. Over and over again.
And I choose. I choose over and over again.
And I keep choosing Love.

So my question is constantly:
What would Love do?

Confronting Old Patterns
But oh.
Oh, oh, oh, what parts of myself do I encounter that find this so scary.
That would rather hide under the floorboards.
That prefer to wait quietly until the storm passes.
That would rather disconnect and dissociate until it feels safe again.

Yes, because that’s what my survival mechanism always did.
Shrink. Become invisible. Checked out. Everywhere and nowhere, but not here. Not here, where it feels so frightening. Where the fear of fear itself reigns.
Phew. I feel the tension in my entire body as I write this.
Being present. Feeling through it.
Yes, it wants to be seen and felt. Yes, this was it. It was that intense.
And now I am here, and I can genuinely, from a place of presence and in the now, say to this survival part: thank you for that, because you’ve brought me to where I am now and to who I am.
I am truly grateful to you.

New Time, New Choices
And now? Now it’s a different time.
Now is the time to make choices anew. Not from fear anymore, but from Love.
From trust in Life itself.
From trust in my Higher Self.
From trust in my Source.

What would Love do?

Okay.
That as context.

The Revelation of My True Self
Here I am.
Evelien, 40 years old. And a completely new world is opening up for me.
From a situation of significant stress, my eggshell has cracked open, and I turn out to be much more than I ever thought possible.
I’ve discovered a treasure. I am not just this body; I am much more, and I feel an immense energy flowing through me. I have tapped into a Source. Holy. It is the Source. It is my connection to ‘All-That-Is,’ and it flows through me. So tangible. So palpable. I am this. OMG.
A sacred process within myself begins.
Layer by layer, I embark on a journey of discovery within myself.
I become whole (or at least much more whole than I was),
I start to recognize my survival patterns,
I see where they come from,
I become gentle,
joyful,
grateful.
And I start to trust Life, instead of hiding from it.

A quiet, sacred process. Within myself.

The Fear of Sharing
And then, very, very cautiously, I begin to share it.
Only with those I feel very safe with.
Because the fear of rejection is so great.
Doing something within myself is one thing. That is still acceptable for my survival part. Something with a skirting board and invisibility…
Speaking out is – at least for me – a whole different kind of cookie.
I start by recording meditations and prayers, which I share daily for over three years in a safe group. I practice and train myself. In slowing down. With dedication. And I grow.
I create two courses and publish them.

The Development of TheSource App
And then my dear friend Floris says:
Beautiful, Eef, but the format isn’t practical.
There should be an app, so you can share a little piece each day.
And people who want this can be guided step by step.
Gently and softly, without worrying about the format.
So all the focus can be on the content.

Yes. I feel it too.
You’re right.

But then. Instantly, my stomach and throat tighten.

I’m afraid.

Twice before, I’ve made significant investments in software.
I know what it costs. I know what’s required.
I know the risks.
And I also know how much I’ve beaten myself up over it. Completely unjustly, by the way.
But the feeling rises strongly:
I’m afraid.

He says: let’s set this intention and see what happens.
Yes, you’re right.
I don’t have to do this from my human mind.
I can create this in a new way. It’s a new time. It can come to me.

And a miraculous process begins.
With a creativity and inspiration that I never imagined possible.
‘Instruments of the Divine’.
Dear Floris. His wonderful company Fonkel. Beloved Edwin, who started working there, came into my life, and aligned all the circumstances.

The First Version of the App
And now?
Now the first version of the app is here.
With a technical investment of nearly 30,000 euros, of which I only had to invest a portion ‘out of pocket’; the rest flowed beautifully through an exchange of my involvement and coaching, cherished friendships, and creativity.

And there was the first version.

The inspiration flowed, though that was quite a puzzle as well.
Because in those over three years of ‘sacred process within myself,’ nearly 600 meditations have emerged, but how do you bring this to the world?
The group I’ve been sharing it with so far already knows the context.
But if you’re new? Like I was six years ago? What is needed then? How do I guide you into a completely new world? A world that was so new to me, and perhaps to you as well. How do I take you on a journey of discovery that is so all-encompassing?
I felt: I can trust.
I only need to share from my own journey.
How did my journey go? I know it exactly.
I can use that as a source, and the rest will flow through me. In the moment.

And so it happened: we set off.
Forty days are already available in the app, with so much more ready. Ready for the finishing touch, for a refresh, to then find a beautiful place in this journey.

The Challenges of the New Version
I thought: we’ll have it by June. Just a few small things left, and voilà.

But nothing could be further from the truth.
Even in this process, there was a beautiful invitation for me.
I got the chance to make the choices I made earlier in my life from fear again. And now from Love.

What would Love do?

Edwin emailed me. We had discussed my wishes, and I thought we had just two small things left to do.
Getting the donation function working and adding the ‘tracks’ so that not only are you guided step by step through the core track, the main path, but you can also follow your own life path by taking side streets and tackling themes that are relevant to you at that moment.

Edwin zoomed out.
It requires something from the design, Eef. I’ve created a new design. It just takes more hours. How shall we handle that?

Such a valid question. I want the exchange to be right. Only when the exchange is balanced in every direction can it flow fully.
That’s what I felt deep inside.
And at the same time, my survival system kicked in.
Fear of lack.
Fear that the resources won’t be there.
Fear that I’m making the same ‘stupid mistake’ again.
Fear that if I do this, I won’t be able to pay off the loans I still have.
And what others will think of it.
And there was my Judge right away. Criticizing me for all the ‘stupid things’ I’ve ever done and telling me I’m really dumb to do this again.
My survival system pulled out all the stops to prevent me from taking this step.
I see it now.
But when you’re in it; oh, how real that fear feels.

The Power of Collaboration
Edwin, so involved and loving, said:
I want to think with you. We can also agree on a percentage of everything that will flow in the future. Then you won’t have the costs now, and we’ll share the risk.

I was so moved.
And felt the relief.
And the gratitude.

That was all there.
And something in me, very subtle, very softly, whispered: ‘Eef, feel it deeply.’

But how do you do that?
How do you feel with clarity when that hurricane of old fears and patterns is moving through you?
Everything in my system said: accept that offer, do this, it feels right, do it; then this uncomfortable feeling will be gone.
Or: just let it go. Do it with what you have; this is already so beautiful. Receive first before investing more.

Yeah.
All true.

And there was more.
Because what would Love do?
What would Love do, beyond the fear?

Remembering My True Mission
Edwin asked me questions. About why I was doing this. Why I thought it would be a success. How we could do it. Such valid questions.
I shared about all the work that went into it. Not only creating those 600 meditations but all the inner work of the past 15 years, and especially the last 6. I shared about the 10,000 hours of listening, meditating, practicing, courses, all the investments in them, soaking up all the information like a sponge, feeling deeply, deeply, deeply within that this is what I love most. What I came here for. I shared how everything came into my experience to make this possible; the time, the space, the resources, the people, the information. All the work of Caroline that opened me up to this frequency. This frequency of the Source, of my Divine Creator, my Divine Parent, beyond all manipulation and noise here on this planet and in this matrix, which is so cleverly constructed.
That I began to see, feel, and experience this frequency and, as a result, started to see more and more through the reality.
And that I am becoming more and more of this frequency. Embodying it. Radiating it. And that’s why I want to pass it on.
Yes. I am the energy. And so I have to carry it. In every moment.
That’s what the app represents. That’s what every meditation represents.

And as I answered him, I felt: who am I telling all this to?
I’m not trying to convince him, but myself.
I’m reminding myself of what I have to do.
I’m remembering.
And what does that mean?
What does it mean if I am to fully embody and radiate this energy?

Thanks to dear people around me, I was able to go deeper.
To feel more deeply what is really happening here, so I could make the shift from fear to love within myself. Feeling. Feeling. Feeling.

The Liberation from Old Patterns
And yes, deep down, I knew it.
It’s the old pattern of not daring to do it ‘alone’. My core wound; feeling so alone and then not daring to move. Being afraid of life itself.
And I knew that all my previous decisions around business creations were based on that; I can’t do it alone. Thankfully, there’s someone I can lean on.

And what’s different now?
Yes. I’m beyond this now. I recognize this survival pattern, and now I know, feel, in everything: I am not alone. I’ve never been alone. And I’ve never been alone.
I am not just this human aspect.
I am my vast, beautiful, unique, powerful consciousness, which works in a magnificent, loving co-creation with Divine Father, my Creator, through my physical aspect.
Of course, I’m not alone.
The joke of the century.
The joke of the matrix.
The illusion.
Which can feel so real.

The Universe has got my back.
Divine Father has got my back.
I am co-creating with my Divine Father and my Higher Consciousness.


Better actually: My Higher Consciousness is creating through me.

These words keep circling through my mind:

I now allow my Higher Consciousness to take charge.
I now allow my Higher Consciousness to guide me, to guide me trusting.
When it is my intent, my pledge (en dat is het, iedere dag weer):
I am here to do your work, Divine Father.
I am here to bring Your energy to the planet,
do I really, really think that I am not supported?
How could it ever not be?

I now choose to trust.
I choose to trust that this much, much bigger Consciousness than this human me is orchestrating.
I trust that this Consciousness knows the perfect timing, and the perfect way.
I let go, I surrender.

And everything else?
Just 3D stuff. Which always works for me, by the way. No matter how it looks.

I remembered.

Phew.
This is Truth.

And as I shared this with Angelique and Tamara, who were with me at the time, I received only confirmation.
At the end of the evening, I walked with An to her car. I had some boxes in my hands, and as I walked behind her, a thought came to me:

Your annuity policy.

I thought: huh?
Oh yes. My annuity policy. I still have that.

I mentioned it to An and thought; that might be a good idea. That’s another little pot. Maybe that’s the intention.

And I let it go.

The Transformation of the Annuity Policy
The next morning, I was in the shower.
And suddenly, I saw a beautiful image.

There I was, my human aspect:
21 years old, newly married, and a sales agent from the insurance company sitting at my table.
I had no idea what I was saying yes to, but saving money monthly for later still seemed so sensible at the time. Saving for later, because later there will be lack.
Yes. Still so much the paradigm I believed in at the time.
Fear of lack.
Fear.

This policy represented that for me. And yet, I hadn’t felt until now that I needed to do anything with it. There are also many arguments not to touch it. Because of the 37,000 euros it’s worth, only 8,000 would remain after taxes and penalties.
And how do I view that? Through the eyes of lack? Or through the eyes of love, abundance, and the fact that this energy wants to be transformed? And that now the perfect opportunity presents itself for that?

I saw the image expand.
I signed up for this policy then.
When I was fully immersed in the human story and diving even deeper into it. Losing myself in trauma pieces, in people-pleasing, in adapting, in ‘doing what’s expected,’ in entanglement, in not knowing. In forgetting.
And at that moment, I was already saving for now, for this journey Home. It was as if I saw how then and now merged. There is, of course, only now. So it was as if, in the now, the saving had already begun, like a lifeline, through linear time, creating exactly what may be now.
Of course, my Higher Self could have created this in countless other ways, but this – the thread running through such a large part of my life, an energetic line through everything – was now also energetically transforming that entire period in one go.
Energetically drawing this line through my life in one go; out of fear, fully into the love that this app represents; into the love and arms of the Higher Self and Divine Father.

When I saw that image, the relief came.
What a release.

The Power of Transformation
It’s not about the amount at all.
It will always be exactly right.
It’s about the transformation.
It’s about the consciousness.
And oh, what growth I feel through this entire experience.

And do you know what Edwin said?
When I told him about this and that I had therefore chosen to pay him instead of agreeing on a percentage:
‘Eef, I felt a moment of rejection. But that quickly passed.
I feel that this is right. And you know what? I adapt quickly. This is okay. And I’d like to build it for you at a lower hourly rate than my normal rate. That’s my contribution to raising the planet’s frequency.’

Phew.
And tears again.
What love.

Moving Forward with the New Version
So, dear ones,
with this enormous shift within me, with this energy, with this intention, with this alignment, we continue on our journey.
In September, Edwin will build the new version. And from love and abundance, I feel that the investment that may go into it only represents the greatness of love itself. So the fact that – for me – such an investment is involved is merely a reflection of our own greatness. Of who we truly are.
We just need to connect with that.
‘And everything else takes care of itself, by itself.’

I trust.
I allow.
I surrender.

I let the inspiration flow freely, and it is my intention that this love flows and is so palpable for everyone who encounters it and chooses it.
So that Love only grows and becomes greater.

And so it is.

With love,
Eve